I recently came out of the World's largest closet. Okay; so, I didn't check my stats on this, but my sense is that it's at the very least, a closet of unusual size, and I'm after your suspension of disbelief here. Trust me - I'm a big girl and I know closets. It's a big. Fucking. Closet.
This closet of calamitous size belongs to the World's largest Human I know. This young man is hippopotanic in all the best ways!
My friend Bartholomew Buttercup (not his real name) cuts a swath through life, wherever he goes. He can't help it. Partly, it's the awesome avatar he was assigned at birth, on this trip we are all sharing as we spin around the sun. My friend Bartholomew stands an impressive 6'7".
Partly, its also his voice. Booming. Resonant. Passionate. Expressive.
Captain Mark Phillips (that's Princess Anne's ex) was once quoted as saying; "That's Paige Lockton. If you can't SEE her, you can most certainly always HEAR her." The same could be said about my good friend, Bart. But we can't help it - its these instruments we were given to play with.
In the end though, it's his eyes that stop your heart. It doesn't take long to look into them and fall in love a little with life ... with him. And then you understand - he HAD to be this big to carry around his hippopotanic heart!
And what does my buddy have to do with the aforementioned closet of unusual size? Well, its HIS, of course - so it HAD to be big!
And how did I find myself climbing out of it, all fuzzy-headed and feeling invulnerable one morning not too long ago? Wouldn't you like to know!?
Well, then, let me tell you ...
Bartholomew Buttercup is my middle son Sam's best friend. He is an actor/writer/director with a Netflix-series-worthy backstory and the soul of an Elder. His energy and enthusiasm for life are contagious. His talents, intellect and passions limitless.
I suppose that doesn't exactly clear up why I, as an old lady, was in his closet, but we are creeping closer. I thought you should know him, first. To know Bart, is to understand why I found myself crawling into The World's Largest Closet at 5 AM, after the World's Most Mind Blowing Conversation with he and Sam about Life, Energy, Souls, The Meaning Of Life and the importance of MUSIC, connection and storytelling.
These two young men have exceptional noggins and hearts and I was enthralled with the flow of thoughts and the stories we shared.
After over eight hours of mind and heart opening conversations about sexuality, spirituality and everything in between, I crawled into the closet at the end of his hall, alone, and snored in the wall-to-wall bed it held for way too few hours. I was happy. Whole. I felt heard, understood and appreciated for who I really was. I had just come out of the closet to two remarkable human beings.
And which metaphorical closet did I clamber these long limbs out of?
The 'Woo Closet'!
After nearly twenty years of having my reality ridiculed and denied, after hiding why I wore crystals and being scoffed at for doing Reiki and meditating in the barn with my horses ...
I found FREEDOM! I found my people.
My people are grounded, authentic, willing to be vulnerable and you know what? They can find joy in the shitstorms of life, too; that's how I learned! They are good people and I am glad to be a part of their world. They are the lovers and the dancers, the poets and the musicians, the lightness and the breath of fresh air my suffocated soul needed. My candle, previously so close to extinguished, now burns brightly.
I hope I didn't disappoint you. I mean, I know I kind'a led you on and you may have been hoping for a more interesting closet to see me tumble out of, but it's all the same in the end. We ALL just want to find safety and connection with others who see us for who we really are, masks off. Of course, some closets are more dangerous to climb out of than others, but my sense is that this is changing with young people like my open-hearted Sam and his wisdom-seeking friend, Bartholomew Buttercup. Two spectacular human beings who give me hope. I trust in the compassionate nature of human beings and their tremendous ability to heal and rise.
And so, today I rise. And tomorrow I shall again. No matter WHAT happens - I know will find joy.
How do I know this? Because I make it my practice.
I have started changing the way I think. I don't allow negative thinking ('YOU. CANNOT. AFFORD. To allow negative thinking', my friend Rod Kelly would correct me!). That shit, will kill you. It may kill you slowly, it may kill you quickly, or it may just make you WISH for death and stare at rock cuts longingly and drive a bit too fast ... any way you look at it, it's fucking deadly. And I am DONE with it.
At least, I try. It takes some time and effort to rewire a 50 year old nervous system, but it IS POSSIBLE! I am living proof.
So here I am, all naked and bare, enjoying the freedom and space to be myself after clambering out of the Spiritual Closet, and you know what? It feels GOOD!
Take a chance,
P.S. ANYTHING is possible!