Begin and Begin Again (a title totally stolen from Denny Emerson's book by the same name)
Lately, I have been taking short cuts, over-filling my life and burning the candle at both ends. You'd think I'd learn! I mean, if cancer and the recent shitstorms I just survived didn't teach me anything ... what will???
Turns out, I CAN learn ... it just takes me a little longer than some. I am that child that touches the hot stove ad nauseum - my mother's voice ringing 'No' in ears - expecting a different outcome each time. It's both the very definition of insanity, AND the bright optimism of hope at the same time!
It's not always easy being me ... but has it been worthwhile? A thousand times, YES!
So here I sit, tippy-tap-typing away, at my long-lost friend Elizabeth's place in Montreal; gathering strength to re-launch my life post bankruptcy, divorce, homelessness, cancer, chemo and covid, and I have to tell you - you don't have to worry about me so much anymore! As I begin again, I have a few things figured out ...
FINALLY, I have taken the necessary measures to trim down my life and the multitude of directions I am headed in, so this kind of burn out becomes a thing of my past. Leading up to this moment was what I like to think of as 'the final push'. The baby has crowned. And as long as this little sucker doesn't get stuck at the shoulders, we should be good from here!
The last thing I did before embarking on this journey was to prepare EVERY EXTRANEOUS THING I OWN - every last brush, saddle and hoof pick - to sell at auction. I am not only letting go of my THINGS ... but also of any previous notion I had to own an Animal Assisted Learning Centre and take care of my aging parents, their animals and the crumbling infrastructure of the farm. Of course, my parents never ASKED me to do any of those things, so it was always a little complicated ... but the point is - I let go of A LOT! A metric fuck-tonne, by my estimation; which is exponentially larger than a metric shit-tonne, by the way. ;)
My life going forward (which is really the ONLY way to go) will be much lighter. I am giving up some of the things I am interested in, to focus on how I can best serve my purpose AND enjoy life AT THE SAME TIME!
I know - its a novel idea and a lot to ask for, but I figure, what have I got to lose?
Absolutely nothing, apparently! And in case you are wondering, it feels good.
By the end of the upcoming auction, I will be able to fit everything I own inside of my little VW Bug Mable and my tiny cabin full of family heirlooms and photos.
That's all any of us needs, in the end. More, actually. So just in case you suffer from nightmares about losing it all ... don't! I mean, seriously! Stop that shit right now! You don't need what you think you need, to have a life worth living. I learned that the hard way and I hope that you don't have to.
I know - not everyone has a two year window to study, learn, grow and redefine themselves! I had cancer and covid to thank for that, and believe me, I thank them EVERY. DAMN. DAY.
Without them, I would not have accessed the wisdom I needed, nor had the courage required to make the changes I am making. And just on the off-chance that what I am doing looks easy to you from the outside ... let's disavow you of that notion, pronto! On the inside, it's haaaaaaaard! But, living a life of quiet desperation was killing me. So, now I am learning to do the hard things. And in my experience ... it get's easier, with practice. Like a muscle we build rep-by-rep, day-by-day.
So now, as I sit here doing the hard, scary things I have to do to re-define who I am online and to launch in a new direction, I want you to know two things.
One; at the beating heart of it all - we are all the same. We all want to be heard, understood and appreciated for who we are, all naked and bare and mask-less. Which is why you will see a lot of me, naked and bare and mask-less on the Internet. So, consider yourself warned! ;)
Second; please know that ANYTHING is possible! I consider much of my life living proof of this! ;)
My new direction is to share song, dance, comedy, provocative posts, workshops and courses to show YOU what is possible (ANYTHING, remember?!) AND, to help YOU find joy in the shitstorms of YOUR life.
Join me for my cross continental journey, as I launch my new podcast; A Leg Up: The Magic of Horsecraft and LIFE, and explore the ingredients needed to find joy in your shitstorms and Magic with your horses. (Spoiler alert: the ingredients are the SAME!!!)
Take a chance,
Paige
xoxo
*** ANYTHING is possible! ***